Teaching Moments

During the Thanksgiving month I tried extra hard to concentrate each day on what I was thankful for. Sometimes it was hard and other times not as hard. What I realized was, even on a bad day there are things to be learned from the experiences in that day. At very least I can be thankful for learning experiences and for chances to teach my children.
Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to teach Kailey about treating others with kindness even when we don't want to, about right and wrong, and about repentance and forgiveness.
It started with me having a chance to get on and order some of the presents I wanted for Todd. It took longer then I thought and Kailey and Cope started getting antsy as they are prone to do whenever I get on a computer or on the phone. Soon they were fighting. Although I randomly broke it up, I am ashamed to say I wasn't paying close attention. I was almost done and wanted to quickly finish so I could get completely off the computer. Kailey came in and informed me that Cope was in my room. (The kids aren't allowed in our room without prior permission.) I told her I would be right there. About five minutes later as I was closing down the last window from my last purchase, I heard a door slam and a knob rattle. Cope started crying and Kailey came running into the room. To say I was not thrilled with the next words out of her mouth would be an understatement.
"Mom, Cope is locked in the closet!"
We changed out the door knobs on our closet and replaced it with a heavy duty locking knob to store things we didn't want the kids getting into. Unfortunately at some point the key had been removed and I have no idea where it is so I just keep it unlocked.
"How did that happen?"
She immediately lowered her head in shame and wouldn't look at me. Slowly I pulled the story from her.
She got frustrated with how Cope was acting. Apparently he had knocked down her block tower, and erased her drawing on her magnetic doodle board. So when he went in my room she thought that she might be able to get him in trouble and came running to me. When that didn't work she got mad, locked the closet door, and slammed it in his face.
To make a long story short Cope was in there for quite some time before I finally just decided to take off the door and had my sister-in-law come help me remove the hinge pins and remove the door.
Once he was out I sat down with Kailey and we discussed how being locked in the closet must have made him feel, and what would have happened had I been unable to get him out. We talked about positive ways to deal with frustration and what she should have done instead of slamming a locked door. After we got done with that discussion, Kailey looked at me with her read, puffy, tear covered face and said, "How do I fix it Mom?"
So then I got the wonderful opportunity to teach my child about repentance and the power of forgiveness. She knew she had done something wrong, and she acknowledged that. She obviously felt bad about it, but she didn't know what came next. I explained that just knowing you have done something wrong and feeling bad for it, isn't enough. You must never do it again. She agreed that nothing like this would ever happen again. We talked about confessing and how usually she needed to let the person, in this case Cope, who had been hurt know that she knew she had done something wrong, that she was sorry, and that it would never happen again. She interjected that maybe she should tell Jesus that too. I agreed that was a good idea.
After that was finished she asked if she had been forgiven yet and what exactly forgiveness was, so we talked about making restitution. She decided that in order to make up for it, she would be extra nice to Cope the rest of the day and would help me extra since I lost time trying to get Cope out. Then we talked about forgiveness and how I love her and the Lord loves her no matter what and will forgive her anytime she has done the necessary things to make sure she has repented. So to prove that I meant that, other then telling Todd when he got home, I didn't bring the incident up again. She helped me do dishes, cleaned her room and was extra nice to Cope. She even gave him the last cookie rather then breaking it into two like I said she could.
I am so grateful for the saving principle of repentance in my life. I'm grateful that I got such a wonderful opportunity to teach my child this principle in a way she could understand. I'm grateful for forgiveness and new beginnings and I'm grateful that I have the chance to share those with my children.
So yes, it wasn't fun hearing my son cry in a locked closet and frantically trying to get him out. It wasn't fun pushing my fingers under the door so that he could hold them to help calm him down, but without it such a wonderful learning experience never would have occured. I'm grateful for learning experiences. Now, I just need to find the key so it never happens again. :)

Comfort and Airplane Rides

This past week the kids and I went to see my family. We flew to my sister's house in Spokane, Washington. I had an idea what flying would be like as both Cope and I were life flighted from San Juan Regional Hospital to Albuquerque, but I'd never been through the ticket or security process.

It was a mostly fun experience. The kids liked the plane, especially the turbulance. They thought it was like "a ride at Disneyland!"  How unlike everyone else that was. Others were annoyed and some even slightly sickened by the plane movement.

The only real hiccup we had was coming back. We got to the Spokane airport and proceeded to go through the security line. Cope has a comfort toy that he likes to sleep with and occasionally carry around. It is a little Simba lion that is wrapped in a blanket and purrs. He got it while we were going to constraint therapy for two weeks and were away from Daddy. He clung to it then and hasn't let it go since. It has been so well loved that the back stitch came undone and I used thick thread to stitch it back up in hopes it wouldn't come undone again. So when I went to put it in the bin, he was a little upset that I had to take it away, but he just whined and let it go.

We went through the metal detector without an issue, and I started to put everything back in the bag and put our shoes back on. The lion came through last. I saw the person running the machine get a confused/curious/disgruntled look on her face. She reached around and took the lion out of the bin and looked it over. Finding the handstitched seam across the back she turned to the lady standing in the back and said, "can we hold a stuffed animal? Is that even in the protocol?"

The lady in the back was taking round paper looking circles and swiping them on random items that came through and then she'd put the circles in a different machine, wait for a minute, take the round paper out and throw it away and then get another paper and start again. She said, "we can hold anything, but what could possibly be wrong with a stuffed animal?"

At first that is what I wanted to know, what in the world could they possibly find wrong with my sons lion!  They turned away and started whispering though, so I couldn't hear the response. I said, "Please don't take his lion, it's his comfort toy!"

After standing there for a little while, I realized that the problem was probably that the machine showed the purring thing inside it, meaning she saw there was something inside the lion and then directly where there was something inside, there was a handstitched section. I could see how that looked really bad.

I tried to explain that to the ladies, but they just asked me to please go stand by the elevator. They would let me know what was going on once they had investigated further. We waited for a good ten minutes more at least. The lady who was in the back with the round circles finally brought me back Cope's lion. She said it came up clean, so we were free to go. I was so relieved they gave it back to us. Bed time would have been interesting had they chose not to.   

I thought how like everyday life this is. Sometimes we get the thing that gives us the most comfort taken from us. Sometimes we succeed in getting back and other times we have to find something new to give us the comfort we need. Sometimes we hit turbulance and sometimes it's a smooth ride. No matter how my life is I hope I can be like my kids and love the ride especially when turbulance hits; especially when things change and are no longer comfortable.

Discipline 2

So, I haven't gotten a timer yet, but already it is going much better. The only thing I have done differently, is instead of getting mad at Kailey when she yells at me or says things that aren't nice, I have been turning on church hymns. I continue to play the same hymn over and over until I hear her singing it. Once she sings it I come in tell her she wasn't being nice and ask for her to tell me sorry. If she has calmed down enough to sing I find she has calmed down enough to realize she was being mean. It has really changed the mood in our house a lot already.

Discipline

Right now I'm struggling with my four year old, Kailey. She is what would be considered a strongwilled child. Although I know that is good, sometimes it can be hard, so I've been reading to see if I can find discipline tactics that would work better then what we are using. She is refusing to stay in time-outs and she will just tell me "no" quite often. I found this article on pinterest http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child. Although insiteful, it really didn't tell me any good discipline ideas to help with behaviors that I can't compromise. Here's an example, if Kailey doesn't get a nap she is aweful by the end of the day. She misbehaves for no apparent reason and will cry over any circumstance that doesn't go her way, so I've come to the conclusion that she has to have a nap. She has decided that she doesn't need naps, so most days I spend at least fourty-five minutes putting her in bed, telling her she has to listen, putting her in time-out and trying to make sure she stays there. It stresses me out and makes the whole mood in the house deteriorate within minutes of the process. It also takes Cope three times as long to get to sleep, because he hears Kailey yelling and crying at me. "You're making me mad because I don't want to go to bed." (She is very good at telling me exactly what she is feeling, whether she be mad, sad, happy, frustrated.)
I found this site http://imom.com/parenting/tweens/parenting/training/21-creative-consequences/, and so I'm going to try and few of their ideas and I'll let you know how it goes. I'm going to go buy an egg timer and am going to set the timer for her. I'll use it for setting the table, cleaning her room (which are her two chores), and nap time so that she knows it is coming. I'm also going to try using the timer when she throws fits about something that is not time sensitive (ie: she can't go somewhere.) I'll tell her she has to throw a fit for 10 minutes and then I'll see how that works. She has started screaming yelling and crying whenever she doesn't get her way (which is often at our house.) I've already tried allowing her to go outside and then letting her scream and yell until she feels like she is done. She can come back in whenever she wants. That doesn't seem to be working now that the novelty of going outside has worn off, so let's hope the timer does.
The only thing I still haven't found another tactic for is when she is throwing a tantrum because she doesn't want to do something time sensitive (ie: go to therapy, take a nap.) I thought about the timer or time-ins, but they are still just a stalling method so she doesn't have to do the thing she doesn't want to as quickly. Any other suggestions or ideas for that one would be awesome!

Time Scheduling

I thought I would share how I keep on schedule. I don't always, but I've been trying really hard. One of the things I found was that I would spend hours online. Not because I needed to, just because I would lose track of time. If I wasn't online then I would spend most of my day cleaning and not spend as much time as I needed with my kids, or I would spend all day with the kids and not get to the cleaning. I also found that Kailey was feeling like I "loved Cope more" because I would spend much devoted time to him and then not have any specific "Kailey" time. I have 11 alarm options on my phone. So what I've done is put an alarm for each event in my day. I have wake-up, exercise, therapy at home, school, outside time, lunch, nap time, and me time. I also have the specific therapy times outside of our home. Each alarm isn't to keep me on an exact schedule, I don't automatically quit what I'm doing and start on whatever the alarm says, but it is a reminder that time has passed and that I have other things to do. Therapy is for Cope and then I do an hour of "school" with Kailey. "School" has made life easier because then I can tell her it is Cope's turn and she'll have a turn with Mommy later. It makes her less frustrated and jealous and it works well in helping me stay organized. I have also found if I give them outside time before naps then they are more tired and less likely to fight taking the nap. It makes naptime go more smoothly. Giving myself some time to do whatever I want for the day helps me be more patient with the kids and makes for an overall better day for all of us. So my suggestion is set alarms. It helps both the parent and children stay on task. It keeps me from wasting away my day.

This is a picture of some of the words Kailey copied to write a Santa letter at Christmas. During "school" time we practice writing and learn letters along with whatever she chooses to do for the day. She is doing so good!

School

Cope is in Early Childhood Intervention, which in the San Juan County area is through Roundtree. They just recently told me that in January-February we'll have to start the transition process to pre-school. Even if I don't want to put him in school quite yet, I still have to go through the process. Because of that, I've started trying to research schools in my area. I posted on facebook and got some really good ideas and comments, but I still don't have enough information. I wish there was a website with a conglomeration of the areas schools, their resources, teaching tactics, what they provide for both special education and gifted education. I wish parents could go to this site, click on the schools they are interested in, and then have it compare those schools according to certain parameters. This would allow the parents to get a quick idea of what they are looking at. Since I haven't found such a site, I'm going to have to make calls, visit schools, and get all the information I can that way.

The helpful tips I've been given so far are:
1. Almost all public schools have school district sites. Find the district site and use that to find the school you would be in. Included in that should be a number to reach the school. Call the school directly and ask questions. Make a list before calling so that you don't leave any out or forget to ask something important.
2. Ask around. There is usually at least one person you know that has been to a private school in the area, and can tell you which ones there are, and then from there you should be able to search them and find a number to call. Ask them the same list of questions you would ask the public schools.
3. Talk to teachers. They know the ins and outs of the school and would know best the positive and negative aspects of the school they teach at.

If you have any more advice or helpful tips let me know. It looks like I'm going to be making a ton of phone calls in the next little while to find out the information I need to know.

The other thing I'm not sure of is what questions I should be asking aside from the resources, teaching tactics, special education, and gifted education. As I come up with my list of questions/concerns I'll post them.